Hoist the Cone
Unofficial Buccos traffic desk
The unofficial Buccos traffic report

Cone status: CONE WATCH

Cone watch in progress. Pirates and Philadelphia Phillies are tied 0-0. Cone watch remains active.

Record
43-42
Streak
W2
Run diff
+32
WC back
2.0
Cone Index
40
CONE WATCH
Live traffic

Pirates 0, Philadelphia Phillies 0

Pirates and Philadelphia Phillies are tied 0-0. Cone watch remains active.

Warmup
Top 1st
Venue
Citizens Bank Park
Opponent
at Philadelphia Phillies
Pirates starter
Bubba Chandler
Data status
Live feed refreshes about every minute.
Traffic report

Municipal baseball conditions

Runs, baserunners, homers, steals, and other orange-plastic implications.

Traffic cleared
0
Pirates runs
Traffic generated
0
Pirates hits
Lanes opened
0
Home runs
Lane changes
0
Stolen bases
Congestion left
0
Runners left on base
Hazards removed
0
Pitching strikeouts
Recent hoists

Last five completed reports

Jun 29

Pirates 11, Philadelphia Phillies 7

Pirates 11, Philadelphia Phillies 7. Road reopened. Cone up.

CONE UP
Jun 28

Pirates 9, Cincinnati Reds 4

Pirates 9, Cincinnati Reds 4. Traffic cleared, cone elevated, paperwork approved.

FULL HOIST
Jun 27

Pirates 7, Cincinnati Reds 9

Pirates 7, Cincinnati Reds 9. Traffic moved, outcome did not. Cone down.

CONE DOWN
Jun 26

Pirates 4, Cincinnati Reds 6

Pirates 4, Cincinnati Reds 6. Delays reported. Cone lowered.

PARTIAL HOIST
Jun 25

Pirates 5, Seattle Mariners 1

Pirates 5, Seattle Mariners 1. Traffic cleared, cone elevated, paperwork approved.

FULL HOIST
What is this?

Origin report+

A weird shirt became a dugout bit. A dugout bit became a fan ritual. Now every Pirates rally comes with orange-plastic implications.

This is the unofficial traffic report for the cone era: dry municipal seriousness applied to deeply unserious baseball joy.

How the index works

Deeply unofficial. Surprisingly strict.

The Cone Index scores Pirates conditions from game result, score margin, run production, homers, steals, pitching, streak, and residual congestion. It is not endorsed by MLB, PennDOT, or any responsible adult.